The Language of Mental Health

One of the most important aspects of addressing and destigmatising mental health and those who struggle with it, is changing how we speak about it. The words used in the media, or by our friends, or our doctors and most importantly the words we use to describe our own mental health, are critical to how we view mental health and how we take care of it.

I remember having a conversation with a friend about my anxiety, we were discussing a situation that I was uncomfortable about and I made the statement ‘I’m just an anxious person, maybe it’s just that’. I remember the point that my friend cut me off and said ‘no, you’re not an anxious person, you’re a person who struggles with anxiety, the anxiety isn’t what defines you.’ This is such an important differentiation that needs to be made when we talk to ourselves and when we talk about the mental health of others. Your mental health is a part of you and good or bad it has an impact on what you do but it does not define you, you are not your anxiety, your depression, your bipolar or your anger, they are just a part of your life and they can be managed, controlled or embraced in a way that helps you function on a day-to-day basis and accept you for who you are.

I’m walking 100km for Black Dog Institute throughout October because I want to help them raise awareness around mental health, help them to start more discussions in corporate situations as well as the wider society, and I want to be able to help them financially to institute programs and research that will provide better understanding of and support for our mental health.

During events such as ‘R U OK Day’ or International Mental health Day/Week we’re encouraged to talk openly about our own mental health, as well as to ask our friends and family how they’re doing. This year during ‘R U OK Day’ in particular, many people used the day to remind the world at large that asking if someone is ok is great, but more importantly you need to be prepared for someone to say no and you need to know how to then discuss that person’s mental health with them. You can’t ask how someone is, hear and ‘I’m fine’ that doesn’t actually sound fine, or an ‘I;m not ok’ and have no idea how to proceed. It only makes the person opening up more concerned with and self conscious of what they’re saying. It can be a difficult conversation to have and one that many people may not be prepared for, however, the NSW Government Health department lists some simple do’s and don’ts on their website that you can use as a guideline when it comes to discussing someone’s mental health.

DO:

DON’T:

For more information you can head to the NSW Government health website, you can also find some language tips and mental health myth busters at Everymind.

As a society we also have the habit of separating mental health conditions into acceptable or unacceptable, ones that are ‘normal’ and ones that aren’t. For example, to say that someone lives with anxiety or depression is socially acceptable, they’re conditions that are deemed to be ‘normal’, that are not necessarily dangerous to the people around them, are manageable and for the rest of society and aren’t obvious upon first seeing or speaking to someone.

On the other side of this we have conditions such as Bipolar Disorder, Schizophrenia or other psychotic disorders that are viewed by wider society as unruly or unmanageable and often scary or concerning for those on the outside. We often view people who live with these conditions as ‘crazy’ ‘nuts’ or violent and we expect them not to be able to live a ‘normal’ life, to either be homeless or living in an institution and our understanding and respect of these conditions is dangerously limited.

In a recent episode from the Unladylike podcast How to Mind Mental Illness with Esme Weijun Wang, the hosts discuss with their guest what it’s like to be ‘the appropriate type of crazy’ and how when you’re high functioning in society, there seems to be less stigma associated with your mental health disorder. Esme lives with schizoaffective disorder and discusses the unhealthy habit society often has of viewing a schizophrenic disorder as something that changes a person rather than something they’re managing on top of who they are, “the schizophrenias cause a person to no longer be themselves. Whereas depression and anxiety, I think are often considered to be quite awful, but they are more considered to be things that are layered on top of a person. You know, they’re something that somebody is dealing with. They are not something that takes over or empties out a person or replaces the spirit of a person.” Esme goes on to discuss the cultural stigma that mental health often comes with on top of what is already a societal stigma. When Esme first told her mother she needed to see a psychiatrist, she was met with hostility rather than love or concern, her mother was offended that Esme would a) have this condition after such a good upbringing and b) discuss this condition to people outside of their home. When asked about the family’s history of mental health, Esme’s mother told the psychiatrist there was none, years later Esme found out there had been quite a strong history of mental health disorders in the family, but according to her mother it was ‘no one else’s business’.

This attitude is both cultural and generational, something our parents and grandparents rarely discussed, deciding more often to bury their struggles and maintain a stiff upper to lip to get through the day and provide for the family. A stigma we often still place on parents, grandparents, providers and those who might be in a caring position, the idea that there is no time or space to discuss how you’re feeling, or even to feel it, you just have to get on with what needs to be done.

Toward the end of the episode Esme discusses the notion that if you have money and you can hold down a job (considered high functioning) then you’re fine, it’s a manageable disorder, but as soon as you can’t work, you become lazy, crazy or the result of your health becomes associated with your lack of trying hard enough to live a ‘normal’ life.
How to Mind Mental Illness with Esme Weijun Wang is an eye opening conversation and an incredible listen for anyone, like me, who had a very basic and stigmatised view of schizophrenic disorders. If you want more information you can also check out Esme’s book The Collected Schizophrenias, as well as a number of other mental health resources included in the episode’s show notes.

So, with what can sometimes feel like immense societal or cultural pressure, how do you speak about your own mental health? Do you refer to yourself or your behaviour as crazy or nuts? Do you often say or have it said about you that you’re being emotional or irrational? Are you high functioning, or does your mental health disorder mean it’s difficult at times to work, earn money or even get out of bed?

I have a habit when discussing my own mental health, of using language that’s dismissive of my experience and my reactions. I say things such as ‘maybe I was just overreacting’, ‘I know I can be pretty emotional sometimes’ or ‘I got myself into that situation’, ‘I allowed myself to be treated that way’ or even ‘I should have known better’. It’s hard to remove the stigma of mental health on a societal level when we can’t speak respectfully of our own mental health. On the flip side, it’s hard to be open and honest about our own mental health and to be able to own it and speak respectfully of it when we see how it’s discussed on a societal level, how it’s judged depending on what disorder you have, or for mental health to not be discussed at all, for it to be taboo.

At the end of the day, no matter how it is defined or spoken about by society, by your friends, family doctor or even how you define it yourself, you are not defined by your mental health. Your mental health will change on a daily basis in intensity and in its manageability, some days it will be difficult, some days it will feel normal but it will never be what defines you.

So this month of October, I’m walking to help end the stigma around mental health and I encourage you to do this in your own way. If you’ve been meaning to talk to someone, start a conversation, if you feel like you could learn more there are a number of podcasts, books, tv shows and websites that can help. It’s all about one putting forward and seeing where it takes you.

_{If I have used any terms or phrasing incorrectly, please let me know as I’m always ready to learn and correct myself.}